To the mamas who have loved and lost

In this life there are many kinds of losses and each one affects us in very different ways. It is a part of being human. But some losses etch their grief on our hearts in deeper ways than others and to the mamas whose heart has been etched by grief, I see you.

Maya Angelou famously said “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.”

She knew.

And she was right.

The greif that comes with the loss of a pregnancy or the loss of a baby is deep and strong, and often carried alone. It isn’t only the loss of the little one, it is the loss of the dreams and plans for the future. It is the loss of a story you had already begun to write. And with it comes a level of uncertainty about all that lies ahead.

Sometimes you find yourself taken by surprise in the moments when those feelings come flooding back. Sometimes the fears that show up in new stories being written are reminders of sadness that never really fully goes away. I remember during my pregnancy following the loss of my son, throughout my first trimester I had dreams of my water breaking and waking up convinced I had lost this pregnancy as well. And when labor began, I was so scared that this baby wasn’t moving much that I spent the first bit of labor in tears, preparing for another goodbye, even though this baby was as healthy as could be.

As a mama who has been where you are, I want you to know that you are not alone. There are lots of us mamas out here who grieve in silence and say our baby’s name in a whisper. We notice our fears and try to handle them quietly and avoid an awkward situation where others don’t know what to say. We hold a baby in our hearts that isn’t in our arms. We see you, and in many ways, we are you.

And, we made it. Our stories have continued to grow. Beauty continues to bloom in the midst of the sadness of the past. We hold that beauty as a future picture of your story. We whisper your baby’s name as we whisper the name of our own little one. And we hold you in our hearts.

You are strong.

You are beautiful.

You are loved.

You are not alone.